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Death Wish Cycle

June 6, 2013

Please welcome a guest post by my dear friend Bob Hakim. These poems were written over 30 years ago but stand the test of time.


Adrift in this life sea death

Heart of lead, body of foam, I float.

Over crest, into trough, drifting,

Almost drowning.

Let me die, let me die, I scream.

Good mornings all you hear.


No more delusions of Grandeur

No hope for pleasure or answers.

No will to give – too sick.

Why does death evade me?

People’s smiles persuade me

To smile back, rather than

Run ranting and pulling my hair.


When I hear the sounds of backfire

I wait calmly for the bullets to strike.

When the earth quakes, I hold on gently

While my heart sings shake it up baby, shake.

If some object of deliverance should pierce my heart,

Yes!…The song my blood rush sings.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. June 6, 2013 10:02 pm

    Oh my goodness this is so right on.
    I’m pleased to meet you in the word, Mr BH.
    The word is flesh.

    • June 7, 2013 1:35 pm

      Thank-you Ela. I am pleased to say that thanks to a cocktail of two antidepressants, a mood stabilizer and an anti psychotic, it has been 10 years since I have felt this way. best wishes to you, Bob.

      • June 7, 2013 4:08 pm

        BoB that is great that you’ve found a combination that works for you. I’m kind of collecting others’ experiences right now because I’m in trouble and am under quite a bit of pressure to take an antipsychotic and will not take Zyprexa… Lithium is absolutely the bomb, works wonderfully for me, but it’s not clear to me that Lamictal and Neurontin, which I also take, are really doing anything. So I can see the logic of switching them out. Would you be willing to share your experiences? I can send you my email address if you’d rather not do it on here.

  2. June 7, 2013 6:18 pm

    Hi Ela,
    While no two people automatically need the same meds, I will tell you that what I take is
    Effexor, Lamictal, Wellbutrin and Abilify. While it took a few months to kick in fully, they have made my life so much better. I do not feel that they have dulled me or taken away my creativity. They have just taken me to my center. I am grounded, stable and even happy!
    Wishing for you to find the same,

    • June 8, 2013 7:59 pm

      Hey Bob,
      Thank you so much for sharing what works for you. What you are describing sounds like the ideal for meds. And yes, it is truly astonishing how differently meds affect different people. Four sounds like a lot, but I’m currently taking three and two of them (Lamictal and Neurontin) I’m not really sure are doing anything, but Lithium is awesome. And I know there are people for whom Lithium didn’t work whatsoever.
      Yes, I’m going to aim to keep an open mind on this, except that I will not take Zyprexa!
      Thanks again–it’s inspiring.

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